weekly blog--one for the ages
The operative word this week is “gaslighting,” a psychological tactic that sows seeds of doubt in the targeted victim in order to gain more power over them. It is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they have been brainwashed.
Within the realm of aging, consider the elderly mother whose son or daughter convinces her that she needs to be admitted to a nursing home. She still takes care of herself and still remembers to do what she needs to do, but her son or daughter has convinced her that she can no longer trust her mind.
To start, the son or daughter might move things around in her home and tell her he doesn't know where they are. Or, the son or daughter might tell her she remembers something incorrectly. At issue: some children want their parents in nursing homes so they can stop worrying about them, even if the parent is still capable of making their own decisions. Other children want the parent's home, car, possessions, or control of their money.
The best way to defend yourself against gaslighting is to know that it’s being done to you. Here are some techniques gaslighters use to put you under their spell:
1. Blatantly lie.
2. Deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
3. Attack the foundation of your being, like your love for your children, and telling you that you could be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits.
4. Wear you down over time with a series of lies or snide comments.
5. When their actions do not match their words--what they are saying means nothing; it is just talk; what they are doing is the issue.
6. Offer positive reinforcement to confuse you, and/or to purposely confuse you with conflicting information.
7. Accuse you of something so often that you start trying to defend yourself, which distracts from the gaslighter’s own behavior.
8. Align people against you, making you feel isolated and not knowing who to trust.
10. Tell you or others that you are crazy to the extent that people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control.
11. Tell you everyone else is a liar, making you question their believability and your reality.
ConfrontingAging rarely, if ever, makes any political statements. However, much of what needs to be said about President Trump’s performance in Helsinki earlier this week was sketched out in our nation’s Declaration of Independence from Great Britain in 1776.
The history of the present King of Great Britain (President Trump) is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
A San-Francisco-based startup employs certified wellness consultants who are paid on commission to educate seniors living in California about cannabis, and help them purchase pot products. Octavia Wellness specializes in selling cannabis products that are formulated to avoid causing the psychoactive effects usually associated with smoking pot.
Using Octavia Wellness’s online store, seniors can purchase CBD drops, salves and creams, along with more traditional marijuana products such as vaporizer cartridges, edibles and pot “flowers,” which are also known as bud or leaf marijuana. Octavia Wellness then uses a licensed delivery partner to ship directly to seniors who live in municipalities and communities that allow it.
Retirement can be like a distant dream until it suddenly dawns on you that in five years you might actually find reason to do it. With retirement looming, here’s a five-year plan to consider. Click second link in Learn More...NY Times
A new study by the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland has found that more than half of men aged over 50 binge drink, while 22% of women over 50 engage in “heavy episodic drinking." Men who have retired are “significantly more likely” to binge drink, while both men and women with higher education levels are drinking more frequently. London Times
Celebrating 50 years since Mr. Rogers' television show for children first aired on PBS...six lessons to maintain a positive spin on life and the world around you.